Out with the old…in with the new

For some time now I have been living life in a ‘suspended state’. I stopped exercising, I did not receive phone calls, I stopped roaming the shopping malls to use my coupons, I stopped tidying up the toys that kids had scattered around, I shunned TV, and I only cooked the bare essentials. The reason behind such grim self-resignation was my preparation for the CPA exam. Yesterday I took my third part of the exam, having only one more part to go. In general I allowed myself the luxury of one carefree week before diving onto the next section. Except, this time I am finding it increasingly difficult to ‘let go’ of this ‘suspended state’.  My prolonged dwelling with this special state has done its damage. The ‘suspended state’ was my life now, and I looked at my ‘other life’ with disdain. Alas! Where do I go from here?

The telephone rang, and I let it keep ringing. I did not have to pick it up. The world had not fallen apart when I did not run 50 mph to pick it up. Valuable ‘$10 off’ coupons were lying around me, and I let them expire. The house had more stuff than it could handle anyways, and I did not need to buy any new stuff. I did do my unavoidable chores, relating kids and food; and after that, I wanted nothing more than to run to the solitary of my room at my special spot and drown myself into the cushion of my comfy chair and stare onto the laptop. I simply replaced the study guide with YouTube for now. The millions of pending things that I had did not matter much really. How strange is life! With each step comes a new realization. A reawakening that I would not have encountered if I had not visited this path. However, this one was a damning one. Because this one proved that I am not that indispensable that I thought I was after all. Not to anybody, not to anything. Time went by as regally as ever, without so much as blinking as I hung in my ‘suspended state’. Life passed by too, with nothing more than a nonchalant shrug for me. As a result, my entire perspective of looking at things has changed. I knew firsthand that letting go of the familiar was not the end of the world, it was merely a chance to get acquainted with a new one. Oh Life! When wilt thou cease to enlighten me!

Of course I know I have to strike a balance eventually. I mean one could not live in a ‘suspended state’ forever. That could threaten to put one in a ‘mental state’.  But needless to say, what an eye opener this new experience was! Once upon a time I had thought my kids could not go on for a single second without me being at their beck and call. Surprisingly enough, just like me, they had also found new avenues to explore and new ways to fill up their mommy-less time. That it was resorting to ‘nook’ for videos games and that I did not approve was a whole new issue. But the fact of the matter was that they HAD found something to do and accepted that mommy had to be away. Therefore, the lesson learned from it all? Here goes. If one lives in a ‘situation’ for a prolonged period of time, the ‘situation’ may override the others and become the new way of living. That being said, one should still start working towards one’s dreams and goals, and not die wondering whether or not it could be done. Because once one starts, things will automatically fall into pieces, perchance in a different puzzle than the previous one, but a puzzle nevertheless.

(The “puzzle” could stand for life, or a particular state of being, or…………….ok, ok…I’ll stick to my study guide and make myself disappear now…..;-))